Archive for Feelings & Thoughts
October 29, 2006 at 11:16 pm · Filed under Me, Feelings & Thoughts
O.k so Mum phones up out of the blue this evening with some news. You may or may not remember about a post I did a little while back called “I’ve just contacted the hospital”. Well I had no word back and to be fair I didn’t think I would so the plan was to do a follow up call. Well I never executed that plan but someone else sort of has. Yup that someone was mum. But wait, she didn’t phone the hospital, oh no instead she phoned Ray. Ray is Emma’s dad….perfect huh? So out of the blue my mum has so far phoned up my ex girlfriend of about 10 years ago Dad to ask if he could pass on a message for Emma to ring her. So sure enough he did. Emma then rings up my mum and they have a wee chat about stuff and Robert’s your fathers brother I get mum phoning me this evening, with permission of Emma may I add, with Emma’s phone number. Now I thought this kind of stuff only happened in the movies or in countries where prearranged marriages are the norm.
So with this information at hand, mum practically orders me to phone Emma immediately….so I did. I must admit the path taken to get this number has been strange, wonderful and weird. In addition though I’m quite a forth coming maybe even quietly confident guy ringing you ex to say hi knowing she knows how you got her number and the way it has been handled even I was a little say nervous? Anyway we had super chat. A really good one in fact! We spoke about what’s been happening, and how things are with both our parents and you know general stuff. It was so good to hear she was alright and to know she’s on top of things.
So there we have it. A whisper from my friend Andrew to Mother starting her own PI company to me ringing Emma to say hi. I may even be seeing Nurse Faulkner on Saturday…but that is still to be arranged. Big thanks to mum! Even when everything is all up in the air my mum still thinks about me when she should be thinking about herself.
October 29, 2006 at 4:33 pm · Filed under Me, Feelings & Thoughts
I loved the Triology of Lord of The Rings. Fantasy, epic, war, and oldie woldie stuff like that is something I’m always interested in so when I found the trailor for Eragon on the Apple site I just had to link to it. It looks good in the trailor but as with most films proof is in the pudding. Anyway here is the link let me know what you think.
October 29, 2006 at 3:25 pm · Filed under Me, Feelings & Thoughts
I’m not really a celeb spotter / worshiper or anything like that but Cameron Diaz is one hot lady. I was searching IMDB for what films Jack Black has been in to see if anything interests me, as I do like his work, when I came across one of his latest films called The Holiday. As it’s bloody brand new etc. there is not much info on IMDB so I clicked on the poster and suddenly I was focusing on a great shot of CD (as I call her…yeah right) with this amazing glowing smile. Anyway just wanted to share that with ya….Oh and well done British Kate Winslet putting in a nice smile below the fold.
Just for future reference I’m not normally in to chick flicks but I think this might be a good one to watch on the sly…or for those people with girlfriends I think this will just do the trick for both of you. Catch the trailer here.
October 27, 2006 at 4:47 pm · Filed under Me, Feelings & Thoughts
Not much to talk about of late. I’ve not been up to much really. Keeping my head down and keeping an eye on mother really. She isn’t coping as well as what I thought originally but her life is so messed up I think it will take a while to get sorted out. However my original comments still stand and she will get through this patch period like a walk in the park.
On another note I’m still in a confused mood about certain things and not sure what action to take. It’s a really hard thing to talk about with anyone and here is the only place I can semi echo my thoughts. I can sometimes judge the mood I am in by the state of my bedroom and lately it’s been terrible, though this morning I had enough and sorted it out. Maybe I should organise my room as well as my head? Just to be clear I’m not down and it’s not affecting my life as much as it seems on this blog. It’s just something that is on my mind and I suppose next year will be the time to sort it out one way or another. Actually next year I plan to carry out a plan that I’m working on. It’s got more to do with financial planning and direction in terms what I have to do to make things happen but more importantly what do I want to have in my life. I look at my brother who has everything a man would want and more. I want the house, the car, the kids and wife, maybe even in that order.
On a lighter note let’s provide some funny links that I have enjoyed of late, The Chasers War On Everything, Paul McCartney and Heather, and finally Boarding Passes.
October 23, 2006 at 12:22 am · Filed under Me, Party, Feelings & Thoughts
The weekend wasn’t too heavy and I’m kind of looking forward to the same chill out this weekend coming though Claire and Phil’s birthday party is on Saturday so it could all change so let’s wait and see.
O.k well this weekend Mark let us round to his again to have a little play around. It was nothing too heavy but some fun nevertheless with beer, mates and music. Jon and Mark provided some quality tunes and djing so thanks to them to. Afterwards some of us moved on to Jon and Dan’s place to finish the night off. Again nothing crazy just was chilling out. It was nice to be inside with friends for once though my Dad kept calling me from Libya asking about all the family mess that has been happening.
Saturday I made the trip to see Mum. In all honesty I should of taken sometime off and went to see her straight away but with work being quite heavy I thought she may be able to manage to the weekend. I think I was wrong, as when I got to see her finally she seemed a little shaky and nervous. I think she is coping as I’ve mentioned before but she needs more morale support. Anyway, we had a lovely evening with my niece Charlotte joining us to stay over as well. My niece is usually a handful because she is too bright for her age. Some people call it cheeky and I would have to agree, but there is something about her that makes me appreciate the way she thinks about things sometimes before talking back. Don’t get me wrong she is only seven and she really shouldn’t answer back but she is way too head strong like her Dad. After the Chinese, some beer and a video we called it a night.
I headed back home this morning on the train quite sad to be leaving my mum. Actually really sad, there is nothing more I want to do than be back at home with her to make sure she gets back to her normal self or at least to a point I feel comfortable with. Luckily Gary will no doubt be able to provide the strong support he provides me from time to time to Mum, but I really want to be there.
Anyway I got back to Brighton and had a super evening with David a.k.a. the wife, talking about loads of stuff primarily football and girls. I’m still feeling a little sad though. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been thinking about Becky, Kelly, Michela or Mum. God that’s a weird combination, just for clarity the first three is are old girlfriends.
I feel a girlfriend / relationship post coming along…hmmm look forward to that one eh?
October 18, 2006 at 1:25 pm · Filed under Me, Feelings & Thoughts
While I’ve been refocusing on distant friends, extra work, and generally enjoying life mother has not been. It wasn’t too long ago mum was at the office with my step dad saying how happy she was with life and how this is the happiest she has been in many a time. Life, too, was great for her until Monday.
Mum has basically had her own personal 9/11 over the last two days. The first tower to be hit was the news of my Nan having a stroke. I’ll explain now that my Nan and mum have not been close for a while for reasons I can not explain. It must have been over or nearly ten years since they’ve spoken or been in touch. Naturally mum is really upset by all of this, but there is more. My mother, due to lack of communication was also notified at the same time that my Great Aunt, and my mum’s favourite aunt has died as well. I give you hit tower two. Lastly the Pentagon hit. As if things could not get any worse, my mother also found out that her sister has died as recently. There we have my mother’s 9/11.
As you can imagine my mum is distraught and I will visit her soon, I’m just waiting to here from her what she thinks is best. I have been talking to both her and my brother about the situation and she really is coping so well. Its unbelievable how string she is and how focused she can be in times like these. I haven’t decided about going to see my Nan as I was never really close to her, but I will do anything to support my mother. I’m looking towards my brother for guidance on this one as he has my mothers attributes though exceptionally colder or should I say focused in far worse scenarios.
On a personal note I’m fine and dandy about these relatives and their situation, though in respect I wish nothing bad had happened to them, but it has and that’s that sadly. The most important person is my mother. It’s been a hard year with my mum nearly losing my brother at hospital and splitting up with my step Dad. Oh gosh, I completely forgot, that only happened on Monday.
So there you have it, the 9/11 ball with spin shooting at my mother and at full speed. Though I tell you what, she’ll hit that ball with her full swing and knock it right out the park!
October 12, 2006 at 7:46 am · Filed under Me, Feelings & Thoughts
Yep, that’s right. I have just contacted the Conquest Hospital. Why? I hear you cry. Simple. I’m just trying to contact an old friend of mine that I have lost touch with. My friend Andrew told me he saw Emma recently working there and that jogged a few memories. Emma was my first “proper” girlfriend. She was so kind to me and since breaking up has been nothing but a great friend to chat to. Sadly though we slowly lost contact which is a real shame. I think the last time we had a good ol’ chat might of been a year or less ago at The Crypt in Hastings.
Anyway why the push to see her? Well, I’m on this road of being better person thing. One of the things that has been said about me is I could make friends in an empty room. Though I lose touch with friends just at the same rate. So when I heard there was a possibility to see Emma I thought I’d grab it with both hands. And when I think about it, Emma is someone that I would like to know.
Honestly I never used to write feelings and thoughts before I started reading my friends blogs on mySpace and put this bloody category in my blog to tick. Grrrrr. Though I am kind of liking it. It’s like a little bit of therapy.
October 11, 2006 at 10:42 pm · Filed under Me, Feelings & Thoughts
Today has been a really good day and I hope I’m not speaking to soon as the final piece of a very dark time for me may be shipped away on Monday. Though I cannot explain what or who it is, what I can say is that it will be something that I can take a positive from. It’s quite ironic that this thing has happened at a time when waters are not so calm.
It is at these times I reflect on my little life and think what can anyone do to me that I can’t eventually get back on my feet again with the help of my family? I’m not talking about dying, disease etc. I’m talking about the small-minded people that try and have a pop at me sometimes. I’m talking about the people that talk behind my back. I’m talking about the people who lie to my face, on the phone, in an email. I’m talking about the people who do their best to project me as one thing when they don’t know me at all.
If you don’t kill me, I will not break. I have hit bottom once and risen, the point is….I know it can happen again and I know I will come back stronger. So when you see me smile in difficult times, it’s not because it’s easy, ignorant, or simply don’t care. It’s because I have my family’s love and respect though that doesn’t replace personal pride.
October 10, 2006 at 9:54 pm · Filed under Me, Feelings & Thoughts
My last post has been slightly muted in the fact that we have agreed, that is Lois and I, not to push things further. I think we both kind of knew that was going to be the case. The best thing is though I think we’re going to still remain friends. Hopefully better than just normal friends because I do think she is great and the group of people that she belongs to are superb people. I have had some of the best times with these people and look forward to more time in the future.
O.k so on to other stuff….
There is the possibility of another long busy weekend. At the moment here is the situation. On Friday go to London with work for a real life Monopoly game bonanza. Now, I’m thinking I may try and stay with a friend as I’ve been offered to go to a house warming party on the Saturday, which is in London somewhere. Now before I continue there is also a gathering round Mark H’s house as well which I really want to go to as well. They have such bloody good fun there, and again I can just watch it all happen withouit pushing it along myself (o.k that’s another post altogther). Anyway….I wasn’t too sure about going but I’m thinking I HAVE to make the effort. I HAVE to meet these people as I haven’t seen them for ages and I put it down to my previous relationship. So anyway, I was kind of hoping then I could hitch a lift with Sam back down to Hastings the next day to see my friend down their. So that’s the mini tour, can it work? I’ll let you know. I got a funny feeling I’ll probably just go to London Friday and come back. I hope not though…
October 8, 2006 at 10:44 pm · Filed under Me, Feelings & Thoughts
So after recovering a little bit from the party I made the ever so long journey to Lois’s house. Since moving to Brighton I’ve really enjoyed walking around instead of driving. I think it’s because I’m still finding it interesting. Also it’s a bit of exercise that I enjoy when my iPod is working. However on the way to Lois’s it stopped! Yup, battery low. How crap was that? I was getting in to some Coldplay then as well.
Finally I got to Lois’s house and was able to chill out with her. I’m still learning to be with someone again, and I hope that doesn’t make things awakard between us as I am totally comfortable with her. Well it’s not just comfortable, she’s pure entertainment. I’m a talker, funny, laid back kind of guy that is willing to give thier opnion about most things. Even if I don’t know what I’m on about. Though I do tend to find that I stop to engaging in coversation and just want to listen to her…or it could be the fact she can’t stop talking because she thinks she’s right (only kidding!).
Anyway this morning I think there was a bit of a break through, for one we had a pillow fight and I always find trying to kill someone brings you closer to them. Secondly I think we just got a little closer. Everything is still up in the air, and I must admit that’s a different position to what I’m used to in relationships. Not that’s a bad thing, and considering we’ve only just started to know each other I’m totally fine with that. So what’s next? Now this is the best part….I don’t know. All I do know is I’m enjoying the hugs, kisses, and the laughs. What else do you need? O.k it would help if she bought me a house, car, clothes….But the essentials are there.
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